Thursday, 28 July 2016

"Will rules make my Child rebel?”

Usually Parents ask me this question when we discuss about having rules and discipline in their Child's life;

"Will rules make my Child rebel?”

My answer to this question is NO

Rules are one way to let your Child know you care. Many kids admit that when their parents are ‘strict’, it’s “for their own good.” Most grown up  kids appreciate having rules even when they protest your rules and authority. 

Key to place rules is " Have Rules that Make Sense"

It's important to understand which all rules shall be placed and how these shall be placed.
Categorize rules in two parts;
  • Firm Rules
  • Flexible Rules

Some rules are firm and not to be changed whether your Child agrees with them or not. These
rules are understood by both parents and Child.  Use firm rules when:
  • Physical or Emotional Health and Safety is at stake
  • The Family’s Values are at stake

Some rules are open for discussion and can be negotiated, waived or changed, if there is a
good reason. Use flexible rules when:
  • It’s not a health and safety issue
  • The issue does not affect or compromise family’s values


The biggest mistake we as parents do while placing a rule is, 
“Because I say so!”

When parents arbitrarily lay down the law - without explaining why or listening to
their Child’s point of view, they will get nagging and whining or worse, lying and
doing things behind your back.

Involving  your child in the process of setting rules is a great way
to help her learn acceptable behavior and make decisions when
you’re not there.

Keep your rules & expectations clear.

Manish Sharma
Parenting Coach

For More details Contact: +91 9888436212

Saturday, 30 April 2016

Understanding and Managing ADHD

WHAT IS A.D.H.D….????

(Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder)

ADHD used to be known as attention deficit disorder, or ADD. In 1994, it was renamed ADHD and broken down into three subtypes, each with its own pattern of behaviors:
1. An Inattentive type, with signs that include:
Ø  inability to pay attention to details or a tendency to make careless errors in schoolwork or other activities
Ø  difficulty with sustained attention in tasks or play activities
Ø  apparent listening problems
Ø  difficulty following instructions
Ø  problems with organization
Ø  avoidance or dislike of tasks that require mental effort
Ø  tendency to lose things like toys, notebooks, or homework
Ø  distractibility
Ø  forgetfulness in daily activities

2.  A hyperactive-impulsive type, with signs that include:
Ø  fidgeting or squirming
Ø  difficulty remaining seated
Ø  excessive running or climbing
Ø  difficulty playing quietly
Ø  always seeming to be "on the go"
Ø  excessive talking
Ø  blurting out answers before hearing the full question
Ø  difficulty waiting for a turn or in line
Ø  problems with interrupting or intruding
3.  A combined type (ADHD), which involves a combination of the other two types and is the most common
Although it can be challenging to raise kids with ADHD, it's important to remember they aren't "bad," "acting out," or being difficult on purpose. And they have difficulty controlling their behavior without medication or behavioral therapy.

Learning Disabilities
About half of all kids with ADHD also have a specific learning disability. The most common learning problems are with reading (dyslexia) and handwriting. Although ADHD isn't categorized as a learning disability, its interference with concentration and attention can make it even more difficult for a child to perform well in school.

Treating ADHD
ADHD can't be cured, but it can be successfully managed. The goal is to help a child learn to control his or her own behavior and to help families create an atmosphere in which this is most likely to happen.

Behavioral Therapy
Behavioral therapy attempts to change behavior patterns by:
Ø  reorganizing a child's home and school environment
Ø  giving clear directions and commands
Ø  setting up a system of consistent rewards for appropriate behaviors and negative consequences for inappropriate ones

Here are examples of behavioral strategies that may help a child with ADHD:
Ø  Create a routine. Try to follow the same schedule every day, from wake-up time to bedtime. Post the schedule in a prominent place, so your child can see what's expected throughout the day and when it's time for homework, play, and chores.
Ø  Get organized. Put schoolbags, clothing, and toys in the same place every day so your child will be less likely to lose them.
Ø  Avoid distractions. Turn off the TV, radio, and computer games, especially when your child is doing homework.
Ø  Limit choices. Offer a choice between two things (this outfit, meal, toy, etc., or that one) so that your child isn't overwhelmed and over stimulated.
Ø  Change your interactions with your child. Instead of long-winded explanations and cajoling, use clear, brief directions to remind your child of responsibilities.
Ø  Use goals and rewards. Use a chart to list goals and track positive behaviors, then reward your child's efforts. Be sure the goals are realistic (think baby steps rather than overnight success).
Ø  Discipline effectively. Instead of yelling or spanking, use timeouts or removal of privileges as consequences for inappropriate behavior. Younger kids may simply need to be distracted or ignored until they display better behavior.
Ø  Help your child discover a talent. All kids need to experience success to feel good about themselves. Finding out what your child does well — whether it's sports, art, or music — can boost social skills and self-esteem.

ADHD in the Classroom
In addition to using routines and a clear system of rewards, here are some other tips to share with teachers for classroom success:

Ø  Reduce seating distractions. Lessening distractions might be as simple as seating your child near the teacher instead of near the window.
Ø  Use a homework folder for parent-teacher communications. The teacher can include assignments and progress notes, and you can check to make sure all work is completed on time.
Ø  Break down assignments. Keep instructions clear and brief, breaking down larger tasks into smaller, more manageable pieces.
Ø  Give positive reinforcement. Always be on the lookout for positive behaviors. Ask the teacher to offer praise when your child stays seated, doesn't call out, or waits his or her turn instead of criticizing when he or she doesn't.
Ø  Teach good study skills. Underlining, note taking, and reading out loud can help your child stay focused and retain information.
Ø  Supervise. Check that your child goes and comes from school with the correct books and materials. Sometimes kids are paired with a buddy to can help them stay on track.
Ø  Be sensitive to self-esteem issues. Ask the teacher to provide feedback to your child in private, and avoid asking your child to perform a task in public that might be too difficult.
Ø  Involve the school counselor or psychologist. He or she can help design behavioral programs to address specific problems in the classroom.

Other Activities & Games:

3D View Video Games should be barred:  These kids shouldn’t play video games which has 3D view and high flashy stimulation. Rather they shall play games which requires high amount of concentration with fun and rewards. Like Find out differences, Hidden Object Games, Puzzles, Strategy based games etc.
 Encourage them to play Board Games: Encourage these kids to play board games like chess, Hexel, Carom etc.
One regular physical activity: These kids should play or do one regular physical activity daily in form of sports or dance.
**Consult nearest  Expert for Diagnose and help.

Monday, 28 March 2016

Spatial/Visual Intelligence

Spatial intelligence is the brain’s ability to perceive and interpret visual stimuli. In other words, it’s how our minds process what we see. Although not very recognized, spatial intelligence is very important in arts and daily life.
This area has to do with vision and spatial judgment. People with strong visual-spatial intelligence are typically very good at visualizing and mentally manipulating objects. They have a strong visual memory and are often artistically inclined. Those with visual-spatial intelligence also generally have a very good sense of direction and may also have very good hand-eye coordination.
Effective Teaching Strategies
Participate in model building, puzzle solving, art and craft activities, photography, drawing and adventures.

Appropriate Gifts
Can visualize pictures in mind, think with images, enjoy reading maps, good with directions, enjoy solving visual puzzles, blocks, and going through mazes
Art and craft supplies, blocks, fashion accessories, compass, maps
Appropriate Family Activities
Relevant Careers
Drawing, visual games such as puzzle, mazes etc, travelling with maps, dressing up, visiting art galleries
Pilot, driver, artist, designer, architect 

Saturday, 12 March 2016

Linguistic Intelligence


Linguistic Intelligence is the capacity to use language, your native language, and perhaps other languages, to express what's on your mind and to understand other people.
This area has to do with words, spoken or written. People with high verbal-linguistic intelligence display a facility with words and languages. They are typically good at reading, writing, telling stories and memorizing words along with dates. They tend to learn best by reading, taking notes, listening to lectures, and discussion and debate. They are also frequently skilled at explaining, teaching and oration or persuasive speaking. Those with verbal-linguistic intelligence learn foreign languages very easily as they have high verbal memory and recall, and an ability to understand and manipulate syntax and structure.

Activities they enjoy:
Book reporting,Telling jokes, Writing words, Reading, Journal writing, Speaking, Letter
writing, Storytelling, Discussing, Creative writing, Debating & Persuading 

Effective Teaching Strategies
Encourage children to read, write, talk, tell stories and discuss.

Appropriate Gifts
They tend to think best by reading and writing.
They love to read, write, and talk.
Books, magazine subscription, audio books, bookstore certificates, dictionaries, encyclopedias, school/office supplies
Appropriate Family Activities
Relevant Careers
Visiting bookstore, read, discuss, play word games, such as scramble, word trivia etc.
Writer, editor, reporter, sale person, lawyer, teacher, librarian

Logical Intelligence

Logical-mathematical intelligence is the capacity to use numbers effectively and reason well.  Someone who has this kind of intelligence is able to see cause and effect really well; also, they are able to identify a problem and solve it right there on the spot.  People with this intelligence think by reasoning, and they love experimenting, questioning, figuring out logical puzzles, and calculating.

 People with Logical intelligence are abstract thinkers and are attracted to logic and reasoning. They are good at investigation and scientific processes. They learn best by logic, such as “if-then”, “cause and effect” etc.

Activities they Enjoy
Reasoning, Time Lines, Synthesis, Sequencing, Rational Thinking, Scientific Thinking, Venn diagrams, Statistics, Analyzing, Categorizing, Formulas, Logic Games, Numbers, Patterns &Problem Solving

Effective Teaching Strategies
 Parents can encourage children to participate in logical/mathematical games and activities, to work on logical puzzles, brain teasers, scientific experiments etc.

Appropriate Gifts
Think logically, look for a rational explanation, enjoy science experiments, good at math
Computer, logical/mathematic games, calculator, scientific magazines/books
Appropriate Family Activities
Relevant Careers
Computer games, cheese, logical/mathematic games such as monopoly
Mathematician, engineer, scientist, accountant, polemist, investigator

Friday, 11 March 2016

Theory Of Multiple Intelligence

The Theory Of Multiple Intelligences was proposed by Howard Gardner in 1983 as a model of intelligence that differentiates intelligence into various specific (primarily sensory) modalities, rather than seeing it as dominated by a single general ability.
Gardner argues that there is a wide range of cognitive abilities, and that there are only very weak correlations between these. For example, the theory predicts that a child who learns to multiply easily is not necessarily generally more intelligent than a child who has more difficulty on this task. The child who takes more time to master simple multiplication 
1) may best learn to multiply through a different approach, 
2) may excel in a field outside of mathematics, or 
3) may even be looking at and understanding the multiplication process at a fundamentally deeper level, or perhaps as an entirely different process. 

Such a fundamentally deeper understanding can result in what looks like slowness and can hide a mathematical intelligence potentially higher than that of a child who quickly memorizes the multiplication table despite a less detailed understanding of the process of multiplication.

The theory has been met with mixed responses. Traditional intelligence tests and psychometrics have generally found high correlations between different tasks and aspects of intelligence, rather than the low correlations which Gardner's theory predicts. Nevertheless many educationalists support the practical value of the approaches suggested by the theory.

The theory of multiple intelligences is Howard Gardner’s theory that proposes that people are not born with all of the intelligence they will ever have. It says that intelligence can be learned throughout life. Also, it claims that everyone is intelligent in at least eight different ways and can develop each aspect of intelligence to an average level of competency. 
“The ability to solve problems or to create products that are valued within one or more cultural settings.”
Frames of Mind:  The Theory of Multiple Intelligences (1983)
“A bio-psychological potential to process information that can be activated in a cultural setting to solve problems or create products that are of value in a culture.”
Intelligence Reframed (1999)

Howard Gardner's Eight Intelligences

The theory of multiple intelligences challenges the idea of a single IQ, where human beings have one central "computer" where intelligence is housed. Howard Gardner, the Harvard professor who originally proposed the theory, says that there are multiple types of human intelligence, each representing different ways of processing information:
  • Verbal-linguistic intelligence refers to an individual's ability to analyze information and produce work that involves oral and written language, such as speeches, books, and emails.
  • Logical-mathematical intelligence describes the ability to develop equations and proofs, make calculations, and solve abstract problems.
  • Visual-spatial intelligence allows people to comprehend maps and other types of graphical information.
  • Musical intelligence enables individuals to produce and make meaning of different types of sound.
  • Naturalistic intelligence refers to the ability to identify and distinguish among different types of plants, animals, and weather formations found in the natural world.
  • Bodily-kinesthetic intelligence entails using one's own body to create products or solve problems.
  • Interpersonal intelligence reflects an ability to recognize and understand other people's moods, desires, motivations, and intentions.
  • Intrapersonal intelligence refers to people's ability to recognize and assess those same characteristics within themselves.

Thursday, 10 March 2016

Positive Reinforcement VS Bribery

Positive Reinforcement VS Bribery
Some parents mistakenly associate positive reinforcement with bribing or giving material rewards. In bribery, you promise something bigger and more valuable than the behavior you are expecting. You also tend to negotiate or beg, even increasing the value of the prize, just to make sure that the behavior you wish is manifested.  Giving a child verbal encouragement or small tokens after they exhibit a certain desirable behavior does not qualify for bribery.  Other parents steer clear from positive reinforcers for fear that they might spoil their child.  However, it is far from spoiling if the reward given is commensurate to the positive behavior exhibited by the child. Material rewards need not be expensive things; small tokens like stickers or erasers are hardly decadent. Non-material reinforcers are highly recommended: a hug, a wink, and a compliment for a job well done.

Play Your Part
There is no specific age at which to start using positive reinforcement; children learn to relate reinforcers to their behavior after several similar experiences and patterns. Good deeds that were reinforced at an early age become part of the child’s personality. As children grow, their needs will differ in the same way that our expectations of them will expand. So, the reinforcers may change, but the general principle remains. The success of positive reinforcement greatly depends not on the child, but on the adult using it as a disciplinary approach. When used successfully, positive reinforcement can develop a child’s intrinsic motivation. It can provide children some understanding of expectations and behavior.

Get into Character
Here are key points to help parents effectively wield positive reinforcement: 
Select and define the deed. Be clear on what is acceptable or non-acceptable behavior at home. Provide observable, measurable progress by specifying which behavior you want the child to repeat. Refrain from giving abstract directives. Instead  of “Behave while eating” say “Sit on your chair, do not play with  your utensils, and tidy up your eating area after eating the food.”

Choose your reinforcers.
Reinforcers must be appropriate for – and as valuable as

– the behavior. They should match the child’s age, abilities, and the effort required to earn them. Kids have individual preferences. A reinforcer that is not significant to your child will bear no value. For example, preschool children will like getting stickers and hugs, while teenagers may prefer getting an extended curfew.

Timing is everything.
Consistency is the key. Make it routine for your children. It helps them internalize rules and expectations. Also, immediately reinforce good behavior. The shorter the delay between the behavior and reinforcer, the greater the chance of strengthening the behavior. When reinforcing a new skill,  reinforce continuously. Once  the  behavior  has  been  established  in  the  child,  then  you  can gradually delay and decrease reinforcements.

Be diverse. Varying reinforcers prevents satiation in a child. Use your imagination to come up with different reinforcers. Opt for assorted non-material reinforcers.